I can name a hundred different reasons why the internet is great and only about 86 of those reasons would involve porn or naked ladies, but there comes a time when the constant barrage of information can overload my brain and I become completely burned out. Back in say 1973 you could go days without overhearing or coming across somebody’s opinion. With the exception of the occasional “My Two Cents” commentary on the local news or editorial in the local paper the only shitty opinions you had to put up with on a regular basis were from your closest friends and family. Those people were easily avoided back then. All you would have to do is leave the house and you were essentially cut off from the world. There were no cell phones or emails or any other way to get a hold of you except maybe carrier pigeon or the Pony Express. Unfortunately those days are long over and now, admittedly for the most part voluntarily, we are constantly connected to the world. Every couple minutes I find myself going on Twitter, Facebook or reading some horrible comment on a YouTube video or below a news article. Every time I do this I get increasingly more frustrated with the human race. Why is it so important that everyone get their opinion on almost every subject in the public domain? Do we really think that people are staring at their phones waiting for your tweet about how you feel LL Cool J is doing as host of the Grammys? Sure I enjoy an occasional witty tweet from my favorite celebrities but now we have millions of Twitter comedians commenting on every news topic that scrolls across the ticker. I’m not sure what these people did before Twitter, I guess they just yelled out their window in hope that their neighbor would hear their hilarious take on who shot JR or if they thought SNL was funny that week. It all started with internet forums in the mid-nineties. People would go to specific websites and comment and argue about a particular subject. At the time it was mostly geeky things like software, gaming or music but you had to go out of your way to see these conversations. Around the same time there was the emergence of the AOL chat room where you could not only meet chicks in your town from the comfort of your parent’s den but you could annoy complete strangers with your bullshit. This was the birth of the internet troll. I remember many occasions of getting scolded by Bob2435 or Cherry18 because I would just repeat lyrics from Metallica’s and justice for All album or say nonsensical things in hope they would react. They would get angry and yell about how I was interrupting their very serious conversation with a stranger in the Buffalo Teens chat room. In the years since this stuff has multiplied to the point where there is no safe place on the internet to go.  Try scrolling your Twitter timeline for thirty seconds and you will be annoyed by someone’s dumb opinion. I can’t figure out why everyone else can’t have the same opinions on subjective matters as me. The best is when some big event or trending topic is happening like the recent blackout during the Super Bowl. Everyone raced to their phones to be part of the action and out wit and out snark each other. Unfortunately there were thousands of people repeating the same stupid jokes thinking they were the most clever person on Twitter. As a general rule if you think of something someone else probably thought it way before you. At this point almost everything has been done, every opinion has been said and every joke has been written. There are no more surprises and your opinions are no more unique or interesting than the million of other people just like you. So calm down with the witty  Tweets and memes and stop with all the re-tweets because you are ruining the internet. I have to go now and watch some porn, the last bastion of the internet where people are far too busy doing other things to comment or at least read the comments.