I’m not a regular viewer of the numerous reality shows on cable TV that highlight the lives of the swamp people, Honey Boo Boo or some guy catching cat fish with his bare hands, but I do occasionally flip through the channels and the other day I landed on an interesting program. When I turned it on I saw a couple ZZ Top looking characters walking through the woods hunting for beaver. Evidently one of the guys was the patriarch of the Robertson family who have a multimillion dollar turkey call business in Louisiana. The show is your typical cable reality show which is less reality and more a scripted show with average to bad actors. It’s always clear that the situations and dialog have been punched up by a team of writers who are probably standing behind the camera. I found the show particularly interesting because I worked in a local turkey call place for over six years so I could sort of relate, although the place I worked at had considerably less facial hair and southern twang. If you are unfamiliar with what a duck or a deer call is I don’t blame you. When I first started working there I had no idea what any of the stuff even was. I have never hunted nor do I have any interest in hunting which made it interesting when people at the place tried to have hunting conversations with me. Basically a hunting call is used in the woods to attract the duck, deer or whatever it is you are trying to shoot and kill. Sometimes the calls are made to sound like a sexy lady deer or turkey while others replicate the sound of a dying rabbit or something, which attracts coyotes and stuff. I would sit around all day building and blowing on the calls for quality assurance even though I had no idea how to use the silly things or how a sexy doe even sounded like in the first place. Hunters have a lot of tools in their bag which sometimes includes urine. Apparently when the sexy deer call isn’t attracting the deer you will have to take extreme measures. It turns out they sell little bottles of sexy female deer urine which evidently attracts big bucks over to you. They can’t resist the stuff. The hunter then puts some of the urine all over their gear like perfume and then wait in hiding for all the boy deers to come running. One time as a gag a guy I worked with thought it would be hilarious to spread this deer urine all over the place at work. The smell was as vile as you would expect aged deer urine to be.
If you are not a fan of murdering and eating animals such as squirrels, beavers and ducks then this show probably isn’t for you. If you are a blood thirsty carnivore like me then you will enjoy the show and all of the delicious meals they hunt, kill and eat. Each male cast member has a glorious beard and a southern belle of a wife which makes you wonder if growing a insanely long beard is the way to go in life. All in all I give the one and a half episodes I’ve watched three stars and that means it is almost worth watching.
The show Duck Dynasty reminds me of my days at the Turkey call factory so I will probably watch when it returns for the third season on Monday February, 27th on A&E. Maybe one day if nothing else works out I can move down there and get me a job at their headquarters.
I can name a hundred different reasons why the internet is great and only about 86 of those reasons would involve porn or naked ladies, but there comes a time when the constant barrage of information can overload my brain and I become completely burned out. Back in say 1973 you could go days without overhearing or coming across somebody’s opinion. With the exception of the occasional “My Two Cents” commentary on the local news or editorial in the local paper the only shitty opinions you had to put up with on a regular basis were from your closest friends and family. Those people were easily avoided back then. All you would have to do is leave the house and you were essentially cut off from the world. There were no cell phones or emails or any other way to get a hold of you except maybe carrier pigeon or the Pony Express. Unfortunately those days are long over and now, admittedly for the most part voluntarily, we are constantly connected to the world. Every couple minutes I find myself going on Twitter, Facebook or reading some horrible comment on a YouTube video or below a news article. Every time I do this I get increasingly more frustrated with the human race. Why is it so important that everyone get their opinion on almost every subject in the public domain? Do we really think that people are staring at their phones waiting for your tweet about how you feel LL Cool J is doing as host of the Grammys? Sure I enjoy an occasional witty tweet from my favorite celebrities but now we have millions of Twitter comedians commenting on every news topic that scrolls across the ticker. I’m not sure what these people did before Twitter, I guess they just yelled out their window in hope that their neighbor would hear their hilarious take on who shot JR or if they thought SNL was funny that week. It all started with internet forums in the mid-nineties. People would go to specific websites and comment and argue about a particular subject. At the time it was mostly geeky things like software, gaming or music but you had to go out of your way to see these conversations. Around the same time there was the emergence of the AOL chat room where you could not only meet chicks in your town from the comfort of your parent’s den but you could annoy complete strangers with your bullshit. This was the birth of the internet troll. I remember many occasions of getting scolded by Bob2435 or Cherry18 because I would just repeat lyrics from Metallica’s and justice for All album or say nonsensical things in hope they would react. They would get angry and yell about how I was interrupting their very serious conversation with a stranger in the Buffalo Teens chat room. In the years since this stuff has multiplied to the point where there is no safe place on the internet to go. Try scrolling your Twitter timeline for thirty seconds and you will be annoyed by someone’s dumb opinion. I can’t figure out why everyone else can’t have the same opinions on subjective matters as me. The best is when some big event or trending topic is happening like the recent blackout during the Super Bowl. Everyone raced to their phones to be part of the action and out wit and out snark each other. Unfortunately there were thousands of people repeating the same stupid jokes thinking they were the most clever person on Twitter. As a general rule if you think of something someone else probably thought it way before you. At this point almost everything has been done, every opinion has been said and every joke has been written. There are no more surprises and your opinions are no more unique or interesting than the million of other people just like you. So calm down with the witty Tweets and memes and stop with all the re-tweets because you are ruining the internet. I have to go now and watch some porn, the last bastion of the internet where people are far too busy doing other things to comment or at least read the comments.
As a kid I would spend hours in my room playing what I called “radio Station”. I would spin tunes and talk up the tracks like a DJ would on the radio. From that point on it was my dream to be on the radio. A few years later when I was flipping through the channels I came across a radio show that happened to be on TV. On the screen was this wild haired guy interviewing celebrities and occasionally having woman take off their clothes in the studio. I found out it was the E! channel version of the countries most popular and maybe most controversial, radio host, Howard Stern. I was instantly hooked. A few months after that I overheard a kid in my 8th grade art class mention he was listening to Howard before he came into school that day. My ears instantly perked up and as soon as I got home I looked in the TV Topics, which had the radio schedules in the back, and found out that Howard Stern’s show was being broadcast on a local AM station. From that point on I stopped listening to the local guys that were on the radio, who now seemed like amateurs after hearing Howard and his crew at work on a daily basis. Since that time I probably have listened almost every day, which is a lot of hours spent listening to one show. I was heavily influenced comedically, by Howard and my dream was to get on the radio and do an honest and funny show like he was doing. As it turns out time was not on my side and the landscape of radio had changed. Radio stations no longer wanted an irreverent host who had opinions or maybe crossed the line with their content or comedy. I found out after going to college for radio that there would be very little room for me in the industry unless I wanted to host a conservative or sports talk show. I don’t consider myself conservative or liberal so that left sports, but I could not see myself talking about sports on a daily basis. As the years went by I tried my hand at stand up comedy with some success as far as audience response goes, but my heart was not truly in it as a performer. I didn’t like the format that stand up comedy presented. I had to for the most part have a set act ready and the audience expected a certain amount of jokes in a given set. I, being influenced by Howard Stern and later Adam Carolla, was more interested in an honest improvised delivery that short stand up sets would not allow. At the tail end of 2007 I had the idea of starting an internet radio show with my friend Mark. We had been doing stand up together off and on since 2001 and after what was ten years of friendship at the time we were sure our chemistry would give as an advantage as far as hosting a show went. Unfortunately, I wasn’t so sure how to pull this off and at the time it would be far more difficult and costly to have shows available online. The furthest I got was producing a promo for a show that would not see the light for about another three years. In July of 2010 we started our Hotshot Whiz Kids Podcast and have been putting out shows nonstop ever since.
In 2009 after Adam Carolla was fired from his terrestrial radio job, where he was a replacement for Howard Stern after he left for Sirius, he decided to start a Podcast. He had the means and now that he was unemployed, the time to start his own network. Podcasts were very new at the time and few big name celebrities had their own daily show. Within a few years his show would be one of the most downloaded shows in the world. Along with the likes of Marc Maron, Kevin Smith, Joe Rogan and others the medium exploded. There are now thousands of Podcasts available on itunes and almost every comedian has their own or is a regular on one podcast or another. Meanwhile on terrestrial radio the shows are as boring and bland as ever. Vanilla hosts talking about the daily gossip and giving a traffic and weather report seemingly every other minute rule the airwaves. People mostly listen out of habit and not because what they are hearing is even remotely entertaining. Playing a recording of Letterman’s Top Ten list from the night before is about as far as their “comedy bits” go. If you scan your dial it may seem like it is hopeless but there is an underground network of talented people putting out content that rivals or is ten times better than anything heard on the radio. Hosts like us are not under the scrutiny of the FCC or meddling program directors. Instead Podcasters have the freedom to say whatever they want and are not slaves to a clock or advertisers. Instead shows can pick and choose their sponsors who better fit their content and are directed to the show’s specific audience. As technology finally begins to catch up it is easier than ever for people to listen to podcasts. Millions of people can stream any podcast they want right from their smart phones, which changes the medium completely. In years past someone had to be strapped to their computer to hear internet broadcasts but now it is easier than ever to have new episodes of shows automatically downloaded right to their phones. In the next few years even entry level cars will come equipped with Wi-Fi which will enable shows and other internet content to be streamed right to our car radios. This development could spell the end of radio as we know it. Even with some of the biggest names in comedy offering shows, podcasts are still a niche medium with a very small audience compared to radio and television, but as the technology grows and younger people start to pick up on the medium we could see an even bigger explosion of Podcasts and a change in the public perception of the medium.
Right now it is still very difficult for new podcasts to get noticed. With hundreds of thousands of shows available and the ease in which the shows can be produced there are admittedly a lot of bad shows out there. As with any medium that is so easily accessible to the masses you will have your fair share of people who are a bit overconfident in their broadcast abilities. The market will sort itself out and I believe the most talented of us can and will be able to make a living as a Podcaster. Within five years you will start to see the biggest radio personalities leave the traditional airways for the unlimited freedom that the internet provides. Our children will be living in a far different technological world where television, radio and the internet will all merge into one medium that will be available wherever we go. The audiences will begin to fragment not unlike we are starting to see with cable television and each program or show will have it’s own audience. They will not have the huge audiences that broadcasters enjoyed in the 20th century, like Howard Stern who had an estimated 20 million listeners at the peak of his career, but instead we will all have our own smaller, but loyal audience which will allow for the best shows to prosper and we will see it become possible for Podcasting to become a career for the very best of us.
In 2011 legendary soul singer Etta James was ailing from Alzheimer’s disease and would release her final album in November of that year. But it wasn’t a song from that album that would have her featured on two top five singles in 2011. Instead her 1962 song Something’s Got A Hold On Me, which was a marginal hit at the time, would be the main hook of not one but two hit singles. The song was first sampled in 2006 by Colorado DJ Derek Vincent Smith, under the name Pretty Lights, in the song Finally Moving. Then in March 2011 a Swedish DJ known as Avicii released the song Levels which sampled from James’ 1962 hit, using the opening line of the song repeatably throughout the dance song. Later that year Flo Rida evidently heard the Avicii song and thought it would be a great tune for him to rap over, which is something he does often it turns out, in a song that basically is the same as the Avicii song with his vocals between the Etta James sample and called it Good Feeling . Both songs were huge hits all over the world, with both songs peaking in the top five on the US Hot 100 chart and charted equally as high in numerous countries. The songs are heard on a regular basis at many sporting events and on numerous commercials. Unfortunately for Etta James very few of the people dancing to these songs are aware of the origins of the vocals in the song. Which is why I am fundamentally against sampling in music, because the original artist rarely gets credit for their contribution to these hits. It is worth mentioning that both artists were among the many to offer condolences to the soul legend after her death in 2012. Below are the three songs:
Here is the original 1962 song Something’s Got A Hold On Me
When I was in elementary school, like most kids, we exchanged Valentines on the big day. This mostly meant that our Mothers would go to K-Mart and buy a package of Valentine cards with our favorite TV or cartoon character on the front that was usually accompanied by a clever message to your classmate and usually included a special card for your teacher. These school parties were mostly uneventful. We would exchange our store bought novelty cards, have a couple cupcakes and maybe one of those candy hearts and then clown around until it was time to hop on the bus and head home. Unfortunately one of those parties sticks in my brain with the glue of heartache and rejection. As was the custom my mother bought me my package of novelty Valentines to handout to my classmates. That year I decided to go with the Superman and the Super Friends cards. The night before I took the time and addressed all of little envelopes that came with the cards and signed each and every one. The next day I put the cards in my backpack and headed to school.
After lunch the festivities started. The teacher had us all make a special customized lunch bag to put on our desks that would serve as a mailbox for all of the Valentines from our classmates. After some cupcakes and other assorted candies we all got up and wandered the class dropping our cards in each others bags. After every card was distributed we headed back to our desks and went through all the cards hoping to find a special message from our favorite guy or gal. Unfortunately, no one had proclaimed their love for me on this day. I finished up my strawberry cupcake and cup of Hi-C, which was poured out of those giant cans that you had to open on both sides, and headed to the local trash can to unload my wrappers. When I got to the trash can my heart sank. Inside were a pile of Valentines with the Man Of Steel and the Caped Crusader on the front and my hand written signature. It seemed as if at least half the class decided my cards were not worth taking home. Instead the class, one by one, marched to the trash can and threw my cards in the can along with the empty cups and cupcake wrappers. I slowly walked back to my desk as a lone tear dropped from my eye. Little did I know that this would be the start of years of various rejections and humiliations from mere strangers that were vaguely aware of my existence. Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone!